Its been so long that I carried around what I would consider to be extra weight on my frame that I would wager the majority of the people in my life have no way to recognize the changes I have undergone over the years. Below are eight snapshots from the last decade or so of my life that show the various stages of my body and a quick reference to the frame of mind I was in at that moment in time:
1. Sophomore Year High School
Still hoping at this point that boys would like me and that my family-life would be ok...soon to have that bubble burst.
2. Junior Year of High School
Really REALLY uncomfortable in my body.
3. Sophomore Year of College
Very angsty. Trying to own my body in a way that felt empowering but still overall uncomfortable and not fully understanding why or what to do to get to the other side.
4. Senior Year of College
Still without a boyfriend (ever), still uncomfortable, coping with drinking, puking a lot due to alcohol. The beginning of bulimia? More than likely.
5. Two Years Post-Grad, circa 2009
Halloween costume (Christie Monteiro from Tekken) - Crossfitting, zone diet, bulimic, very lonely but not for lack of wonderful friends. This is where I began to be more or less the size I have maintained to this day.
6. Circa 2010
So intensely obsessed with my body that I had slipped into full-on bulimia even though I was Crossfitting 5-6 days per week and otherwise very active. Alcohol did not help, dieting made things worse. I lived alone and hid my behaviors, knowing they needed to change. From here things got worse though. My weight fluctuated up and down by roughly 10 or so pounds depending on how well I could get a handle on gorging myself and puking. I loved Athens but was hoping that a move to Tx would help me. Things in fact got worse until I started yoga in 2012.
7. Fall 2014
Two years clean of bulimia, no more Crossfit, fixing my range of motion issues, body readjusting to adequate amounts of relaxation coupled with strength training through vigorous vinyasa. Very happy.
Summer 2015
Poorer than I've ever been in material possessions but very full of confidence in my drive to do things out of love. Full of love for my body. Full of gratitude for how far I've come. Still clean from bulimia. Still growing every day.
The moral of this story is not that I got skinny and then I got happy. That's a bullshit narrative that is tired and poisonous. In 2009/10 I was tiny, ripped, had the attention of attractive men and was still absolutely miserable and very unhealthy. Wellness is holistic - body, mind and spirit. Everyone's ideal will incorporate different emphases on each of those aspects. Good luck to you all as you continue your journeys and transformations. It would be great to hear some of your stories in the comments!